As everyone is aware, Michael Jackson died the day before yesterday. As a blogger, I am quite late to cover this news.

His record sales have gone up exponentially since he died. This seems to happen a lot, actually. But, here is the main point of this post; Jacko's Google Trend. I know it may be too soon to be a sarcastic asshole about this, but, you know, I can't help it! ...sigh


Hate to admit it, but the world didn't give no fuck for a while until he kicked the bucket. Well, that's the way it goes. Dying was probably the best thing Jackson could have done for his reputation, actually.

But, on the bright side.... here is something to make you feel better -- just in case.

Click here to see this amazing game.

Super Mario Michael Brothers

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This may seem fake, oh, but it is real. These robotic ferrets were designed in the UK to attach themselves to cargo ships to detect any people trying to hitch a free ride or to find any weed. I can't decide if this is amazing, or if it is horrifying. Well, maybe both.

I've tried Google, Bing and (in vain) Ask Jeeves to find an actual picture of these little things, only to epically fail. Well, for your enjoyment, here is a photoshopped picture to aid your imagination. Also, here is a picture of the first search result on Google for "Robotic Ferret." Don't ask, just respect it. But honestly, if this really were what robotic ferrets looked like (and what the creator looked like) I would find this to be WAYY more interesting.


Here is a link to a legit website, so you all know I'm not full of shit, University of Sheffield Article

Check it out.

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1. Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
I can only clearly remember the scene when character X (which I cannot remember the name of) gets squished by a cement flattener. Why don't things like this happen in Disney movies now-a-days? Oh, well. Although I can only remember that priceless scene, I need to revisit that movie.

Plus, don't you just love cartoon characters that give real-life characters boners? Oh, Disney, what happened to you?

So, who doesn't love poor quality animation combined with poor quality real film? OK, maybe I'm being a little hard on the 1988 film...




2. Old Atari
That's what I'm talking about. I used to hook up this epically ancient gaming system in my parents extra room to play Pole Position (which is not related to exotic dancing), Centipede, Galaxian, Pac-man, and Space Invaders -- and trying desperately to get my other game cartridges to work.

2a. Blowing NES or Atari cartridges to get them to work
This old and amazing technique seemed to work back in the day. Little did we know, we not only dislodged the dust that was preventing us from our gaming time, but we slowly ruined those damn cartridges by spraying small amounts of our adolescent spit inside of them. Oh, well... it seemed like a good idea at the time.

3. Labyrinth, Starring: David Bowie
As a child, I never realized that this film was an ode to Bowie's package. But now, I see the truth of his unfathomably tight stretch pants. Oh, and yes, that IS a picture of the official David Bowie action figure. Not something to get your bi-curious male child if you don't want him to grow up to suck on glittery cocks.

Also, I've attached a video of the worm scene. That worm was so badass.


4. War Heads and Push Pops
These two may not out rightly be related, but they are equally awesome. I remember eating war heads until my tongue would become raw from the sick sour flavor. Also, fucking push pops. Even though they made our fingers sticky, we loved them anyways.




5. Old Nickelodeon
I remember when Face ruled that channel, and when shows like Clarissa Explains It All, Kenan and Kel, All That, Hey Arnold (Oh, jesus, I can go on forever), Action League NOW! on Kaablaam!, Rocko's Modern Life (... nostalgia orgasm...), The Adventures of Pete & Pete (I would like to add that these were the only gingers that I could/can possibly- even remotly- stand), Hey Dude! and of course, Are You Afraid of the Dark? When will they bring back these fucking great classics? Oy.





6. Jelly Shoes
Ok, so this fad is biased against the men of my generation, but it still deserves a spot on this list. Jelly shoes were a fad that made no goddamn sense what-so-ever. They made our feet sweat and gave us sick blisters... but yet we thought that they were the shit. Now, surprisingly they have made a slight comeback. They are now offered in the Urban Outfitters online store. Hipsters all over the country will buy these and realize why we had previously stopped wearing them in 1997.

7. Big Wheels
Big Mother Fucking Wheels. I dedicated so much of my childhood to this toy. It was my pimped ride back in the cul-de-sac. Mine was purple and pink. ...so badass...

8. Slap on Bracelets
These were the absolute shit. I remember that you could seriously injure someone with them too. If you used them too much the fuzzy bullshit on the outside would wear off... So, basically, any toy that can double as a weapon is twice as awesome.

9. Tomagotchi
This toy was just like the easy bake oven and all baby dolls... teaching young girls to care for something when they are little so they can grow up to be dutiful wives and mothers... ::vomits:: BUT, anyways, I still liked these little things.

I actually kept one alive for 11 days! Now, imagine how well that has prepared me for motherhood... I can keep something alive for a little more than a week. yesssss....

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